I ain't holding back no more
A complete lack of words. Like lightning that never strikes the same place twice, my inspiration seems to fade away. I feel like I have to let something out, just don’t know what exactly and how to do it either.
I don’t know why, but these last days I’ve been on autopilot reviewing my life. It’s been like movie trailers going through my mind. A trailer from each thing I left behind. Quite weird, isn’t it? I recalled the few moments I’ve been truly held by someone, the numerous fights I fought, my defeats, my victories… Like flying over the years, seeing myself from above.
I would have changed some basic life circumstances, but I would’ve never changed the ways I’ve acted. And it gave me a feeling of inner peace, knowing, feeling, that all I did was and is right in my eyes. In fact the things I would’ve changed are the ones, that were never up to me; situations and circumstances I never wanted to be my own, I never accepted. So here’s a standing ovation for all who made me live the perfect dramas. Cheers, toast, bravo, the people of the hour!
Now it seems kinda funny. I was too patient. Watching everything from another dimension showed me plainly both my faults and my qualities. Some accuse I’m changed. How on earth didn’t they see it before? Such a complex being like myself is unable to change over night. This is the result of years of intense training and I have to say, that mainly I’m quite satisfied with the emerging result. The mirror seems to smile more often than before and there were long times when I considered my friend in the mirror to be gone forever.
After all what is strength in a human being? I’d say it’s the power to accept what you can’t change and to change what you can change. So strength lies in one’s capability to adapt and in adapting things to himself. It’s a cold world when you walk in it all alone and there are times when have to make use of your own warmth so you don’t freeze. When you create a home inside of yourself, make sure you leave the key somewhere where it can be found. Create a treasure map, someone just might be able to find it.
And somehow I managed to find the courage to look up. I had looked down too much, there didn’t seem to be a spot where I wanted to land, so I turned up towards light asking Him to shine on me. And then I had a beautiful feeling. At first I didn’t know what it was, but then I realized my soul had started praying again and it felt so good. I had found hope in my heart, saw the light to light my way out of the dark. And then I felt my own strength again, the strength to hold my head up high again. And I know all this will send the armies marching down on me again, but they should know that I was not build to break and that I got to know my own self better.
What’s the use of throwing the blame back and forth, to keep on treating love like a sport? True love’s a gift and we shouldn’t let it drift away. I’m tired of walking on narrow roads, I don’t wanna feel the angels cry no more!
There’s nothing else to do but lift my head and search for that open door.
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